Professor Elfie: Sym Tooter

Ty is Scott and Val's son (Reese's twin brother). He is not doing well at school, and is in danger of failing. Enter Professor Elfie! Ty is already in a cranky mood.





------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But he gives Professor Elfie a hug hello, anyway. (You'd have to know Ty to know why this is so shocking)



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Professor starts with the basics, but tries to make it light-hearted and fun, so as not to scare the kid off with all the learning he's about to have to suck up.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Will you sing with me?" Prof. Elfie prods.

Ty falls for it hook, line and sinker. "I know my abc's, I do, I do, mmmhmm, yesh, yesh. C is for a wude word
...ooooh, and so is F !!! " (inside joke at the forum)



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay, second verse: ♪♪♫ x=½y² ..."



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ty senses edumacatin' is about to happen. He ain't stoopid. And he ain't happy.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"WTF are you trying to pull?!"




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, Ty..." Elfie clears her throat, nervously. This kid's not gonna make this easy. "I'm hearing you're a little behind in your reading comprehension."



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Compreehenshun?! I don't even know wut that meanz!"



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He soups off in a huff.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And goes emo. "A tooter? How could my parintz set me up lyke this? How could thay do this to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee???"




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prof. Elfie is patient, but persistent. "Settle down, Ty."




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You do understand that it is my job to nurture stubborn young minds, don't you?"



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ghost of Jorenne provides too much of a distraction for Ty to concentrate on the perfesser's wurdz.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What ghost? Silly Ty. Ghosts don't exist."



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Srysly?"



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scariest tutoring moment EVAH!!!




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ty pees, Prof. Elfie lectures, and Jorenne gets a huge kick out of the whole deal.




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"N-now do you believe me??"



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What I believe, Ty, is that you have a very vivid imagination, a very small bladder, and that it's time to move on to your geometry lesson."



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, you're sitting at your desk. We'll call you 'a'. A 'ghost' floats by, whom we'll call 'b', and your pee puddle will be called 'c'. Pee-puddle²=Ty² + ghost². This, Ty, is the Peethagorean Theorem."




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, in a right triangle, the square of the measure of the hypotenuse equals the sum of the squares of the measures of the two legs, right??"

"YES, Ty! Now you're catching on!!!"




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The other thing you need to work on is your attendance! Monday morning, you get on that bus, and you go to school!"




And just like that, Professor Elfie is gone.

Who was that technicolored-coat-wearing woman, anyway?



Nevermind that. It's time for a shower, kob frobbat.